It's been a long way, but finally i can sit in front of my computer with my thoughts a little more arrenged to write them here.
I'm not quite sure about what is happening to me, but i hope i can describe how i am feeling.
I'm tired, i don't know about what i'm tired, but tiredness envolve a lot of what i'm feeling, i know that i've not lived a lot, i shouldn't be able to say that i'm tired of live, maybe i'm tired of not living, but i think if it was really that, i'd have the energy to put my self together and start to living my life. But i don't, i don't have those energy at all. I've allways thought of me as a pro-active person and i really feel that i need to do something, i don't know what, but i need to do it, but i just don't want to. As simple as that "i don't want to do anything at all". I just want to stay in bed sleeping and if it's sleeping much better to me, lately i have sheltered in movies, god! i've seen a lot of films in the last time, i think that it's my pathetic way to living thru someone elses's life, in fact living my life thru some unreal character born in the mind of some other person who surely have more life than i have. I've allways like movies, it's a good way to relax, some of them are very interesting, others are just fun, but the most part of them are falses, i mean great love stories, people saving the world (most of them americans), freaking happy endings; there's a movie ("Adaptation" i thought) where the protagonist Charlie Kaufman (the writer of "Being John Malcovich" and "Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind") ask to Martin Scorcese (or it could have been another director) "what if someone want to make a movie where nothing happens? About a real life?" And the director told him that if nothing happens in his life, he had a problem, because every day there's people falling in love or stop loving or taking a consceus decision of hurting someone else. Now i thought i have never fallen in love, therefore i'd never stop loving someone, i don't want to hurt anybody and i thought nobody wants to hurt me.
So they have been so many years in this world and i've lived almost nothing, and when i look to the future i just see the same: nothing but a big hollow over me.
“...And my soul from out that shadowthat
lies floating on the floorshall be lifted?Nevermore…”
The Raven, Edgar Allan Poe
5 comentarios:
Comprendo que en este momento te sientas así..., como si de alguna forma nada estuviera teniendo sentido y trascendencia, como si nada tuviera el sabor de un primer beso, el exquisito malestar de las maripositas en el estómago, el peso de la culpa por haber herido a quien amabas...
... Sin embargo, estoy en desacuerdo contigo, aunque sé que no has vivido las cosas que nombré, si sé que has vivido muchas otras que también han sido maravillosas, que le han dado color y sabor a tu vida y no sólo a la tuya. Has participado de increíbles proyectos culturales y te has destacado siempre en ello, has sido tremendo amigo siempre, tanto en buenos como en malos momentos y me atrevería a decir que incluso mejor aún en los malos que en los buenos...
... Hace un tiempo ya de esto, pero también te ha tocado pasarlo mal, sufrir por alguien y herir a alguien.
Puede que sí sea cierto que últimamente te has arriesgado poco, te has aventurado poco, aunque sólo en algunos aspectos de tu vida, en otros has sido pionero y valiente.
O puede ser, simplemente que esperas "a love story just like in the movies" y en esperar y buscar eso día a día, te pierdes justamente del día a día que daba la energía para seguir reencontrándote contigo mismo.
Te quiero mucho amigo y confío que cuando estés listo saldrás de tu cómoda camita y tu home theatre para vivir la vida que espera por ti.
ola haguelita sorra como hestay llo vien, hace borbiendo a las pistas, holle, ase tienpo que no me posteas, yapo, posteame tu ciempre me dejas saludos sinpaticos, heres mi fan aguela numero uno gigigigig... te hespero, vesos, libertyberto
me hequiboque de vlog........ guaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa,,, heres mi tio gavo.... pucha, higuar pasa a postiarme :), vesos, libertyberto
¿Cuándo nos encontraremos con otra interesante actualización de este Blog?
Se echan de menos los aires renovados.
Un abrazo,
rOd.
tio gavo postea y harstualisa no te quedes en el pasado
libertyberto
Publicar un comentario